Best Comeback Line Ever?

Police work can sometimes be mildly ‘entertaining’ as well as dangerous.

We got wind of a story involving a female police officer who found a male who was ‘fornicating’ with a pumpkin in the middle of the night (USA).

The following day, the male was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

In Court, the seedy suspect explained that as he was walking past a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, he decided to stop.

The male was reported as saying:

‘You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around’.

You can imagine what is coming next…

The male went on to proclaim that he picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.

It is assumed that the male did not ask the pumpkin before trying to s__g it and that he did not even bother with any ‘sweet talk’ before picking out the voluptuous specimen.

‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of ‘doing the deed’, the male failed to notice an approaching police car.

He was wholly unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor.

‘I walked up to Lawrence, and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence …

‘I said: ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realise that you’re having sex with a pumpkin??’

He froze and was clearly very surprised and shocked that I was there.

He looked me straight in the face and said:

‘A pumpkin? S__t…. is it midnight already?’

At the time, the Washington Post wrote an article describing this as ‘Best comeback line ever.’

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